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| A hotel room. Gray carpet. White and blue striped walls. There is only one bed in this room. Sharc is sitting on the bed, wearing bright green pants, black sneakers and an If God Was A Heel, He'd Be Sharc T-shirt. He is reading an open newspaper. He picks it up and reads a part of it very closely. SHARC: And this will work, why? CAM: Dude, ads work miracles. I mean, we're gonna be here for a couple more days, we might as well get something out of it. We add one more group of our posse. SHARC: Don't you ever use that word again. I need to come up with a name for whatever the hell we are. I was thinking we should maybe recruit a couple of wrestlers to join us. I don't know who is messed up in the head enough to want to travel with us though. And we need some more color to our group I think. I want to surround myself with, oh, 12 people. So, if this ad works, we should at least add one more person. CAM: And, you gotta tell her that we share a room. SHARC: Like you'll do anything with her. CAM: I can hope. SHARC: I don't know why the hotel agreed to let us do this, but, I ain't gonna pass it up. You ready? CAM: Isn't Chelsea coming? SHARC: No. CAM: Why? Did you two have a fight? SHARC: No. CAM: Then what? SHARC: She isn't needed, that's all. This is a thing for men. I can't have her blabbering about all the girl's faults, or this will take a year to do. (Sharc stands up.) I also need a shirt here in TWW. What was that damn checklist? Sh*t. CAM: Suck my dinkus. Static We open up somewhere else in the hotel. A large group of scantily clad women are standing in the hallway of a floor in front of a conference room door. The hallway is gray, and the carpets are white (and stained). Many are chit chatting, creating a wall of noise. Sharc is watching the gathering from across the way. He looks down at the first floor of the hotel, and then motions for Cam to follow him. The girls spot him as he turns the corner and start pointing him out and some shout out to him. Sharc motions for them to spread apart, and they do. He walks to the door. He grabs a wooden chair from next to the door and stands on it. SHARC: Ladies, it is very simple. You are all here today because I need a slut valet. That's the bottom line. If any of you have a problem wearing little clothing and having drunk guys chant for you to show your tits, puppies, beavers, or whatever else, then you better leave. If any of you have a problem with sleeping in the same room as Cameron here, and traveling for days on end, staying in hotels, partying, and whatever else I can't think of off the top of my head. Well, I think you get the idea. I hope you do, cause I forgot what I was in the middle of saying. So anyway, (he clears his throat). You all look beautiful. And I understand you have all drawn numbers, am I right? (Many say yes.) Good. Then, once I go inside, I will send out that concierge guy who I guess many of you have promised, well, blow jobs to. But, bad news. He's a fag. Too bad, huh. Hahahaha. Right, well, I'm heading inside. He will come out here, sit on this chair, call your number, and you will come into the room. You will be interviewed and evaluated. We will pick five finalists. All of you may win, or none of you may win. Who knows. It's all about ratings. Hot chicks mean ratings, and hot chicks mean I get over as a face. So let's get started. Sharc jumps down and opens the door. He slams it shut. Inside, sitting on a pink cushioned chair, is a black man in a red hotel suit. He smiles as he gets up and shakes Sharc's and Cam's hands. GUY: Good to meet you. SHARC: I told them you're a fag. I just got you in brother. They'll be all like, I can change you. But, you leave, I'll find you, and I'll throw you down to the floor below. You understand me? GUY: Sure. Yeah. Guy leaves the room. Sharc kicks the pink chairs over and sits down on the floor. Cam stands behind him. SHARC: Number one! Static We now show a video montage of the wannabe sluts. Our background music is the Beastie Boys "The Move." It goes like this, each woman will be on camera, say their name, age, why they want to be Sharc's slut and if they are willing to do anything Sharc asks. All of them are from girl-next-door cute to average movie star beautiful. AMBER: My name is Amber, I'm 22, and I want to be your slut because I have the best body out of all these girls, and I emphasize girls, and I'll be willing to do anything, anything, for you in, our out of the ring. SHARC: Well, what if I asked you to flash the crowd your beautiful breasts? AMBER: Absolutely. SHARC: Prove it, flash me right now. AMBER: (She is wearing a white belly shirt, and quickly lifts it up. A stained glass effect blocks her breasts from view. No nudity on Fox, damnit!). You like? SHARC: (He blows out some air.) Okay, hang around. You're a finalist. Number 2! Static VICTORIA: My name is Virginia. I'm 21. I've always loved wrestling and wanted to be a valet, so I figured, why not valet for the best man in the business today, Sharc. I will lead you to the TWW Title, whatever it takes. Lying, cheating, stealing, blowing the president, I'll do it, you name it. SHARC: (He clears his throat). You're a finalist. Number 3. Static APRIL: Hi, my name is April. Uh, what was the question again? SHARC: Next. APRIL: But. SHARC: Go buy a brain at the hotel store. APRIL: Uh, okay. Then can I come back? Static SHIRLEY: Hi Sharc. My name is Shirley. I'm 23. I'm actually here with Victoria. SHARC: Wait a second. I know you guys. I thought she looked familiar. What the hell are you doing here? SHIRLEY: I want to go to the big time. TWW rocks. I want to get out of XWL. Me and Virginia, you saw the stuff we did up north. You know we can bring you titles by any means necessary. All the guys love us, and we love all the guys, not to mention each other. And if you pick both of us, I guarantee you, you will have a lesbian show in your hotel room any night you want it. SHARC: Lesbians. Ahhhhh (he does a Homer Simpson impersonation). Okay, you're a definite finalist. Static AMANDA: Hi, my name is Amanda. I'm 19. And I'm looking to get into the business. SHARC: Can you sing? AMANDA: No. SHARC: Hmm. 'Cause you kind of look like Britney Spears, and I could use a slut who looks like Britney. But you would need to take singing lessons. AMANDA: I hate Britney Spears. She sucks. SHARC: Well, I can't use you. But, I think I know somebody who could. You interested in getting a, job, with Tidal Wave Wrestling? AMANDA: Yeah, definitely. SHARC: Hold on. Static SHARC: Okay Amanda, just wait there. He'll be here in a few minutes. HEIDI: Hi, my name is Heidi. SHARC: Then f*ck off. I ain't having no whore with that name in my group. Next! HEIDI: But. SHARC: NEXT. Static KELLEY: Hi, my name is Kelley. I'm 25. SHARC: Too old. Next! KELLEY: Hey! SHARC: Darling, go get married. You're going downhill fast. Next! Static CAROLYN: Hi, my name is Carolyn. I'm 22. I would love to work for you Spark because. SHARC: Next! CAROLYN: What? SHARC: Learn how to read. CAROLYN: I'm sorry, I'm dyslexic. SHARC: So? CAROLYN: Hey, you can't insult me because I have a learning disability. SHARC: Let's see, you're blonde, which means you're naturally dumb. Don't lie to me about some disease. Little baby. Next! Static NIKITA: Hi, my name is Nikita. I'm 23. SHARC: No commies. Next! Static STACEY: Hi, my name is Stacey. I'm 20. And I want to be your slut because I think you are the best wrestler in Tidal Wave Wrestling. I think with me behind you, I can take you to the top. SHARC: Now, wrestling is a dangerous thing. You could get kicked, hit with a chair or punched, or worse. Are you willing to risk it all? Your looks, your health. STACEY: Well, how much does it pay? SHARC: Does it matter? STACEY: Well, yeah. SHARC: Do you love wrestling? STACEY: Uh, yeah? SHARC: Next! Static JENNY: Hi, I'm Jenny. I'm a porno star. I'm 18. SHARC: Whoa. What? Porno star? 18? How many movies have you made? JENNY: Just three so far. SHARC: What were they called? JENNY: Uh, Dangerous Penetrations, Carnival of Whores and Chase Magnetta: Pussy Detective. SHARC: Okay, you're a finalist. Next! Static SYDNEY: Hi, my name is Sydney. SHARC: Are you a lesbian or porno star? SYDNEY: No. SHARC: Willing to flash you breasts? SYDNEY: Yeah. SHARC: Do it now. SYDNEY: In front of the camera? SHARC: Next! Static We cut to the outside of the conference room. Sharc opens the door and walks out. He puts his hands on his knees and appears to be breathing heavily. He wipes his brow with his forearm and looks around at the remaining 11 girls. SHARC: Man this is tough work. Ladies, I'm looking at those of you I haven't talked to yet. My apologies, but we've got four finalists already, and I don't think any of you even come close to them. So, thanks for coming down. Good luck getting into any business that requires looks, goodbye. Amber, Shirley, Victoria and Jenny, would you four please come in here and line up. I've got a special guy coming here who will help me decide a finalist. KRIS COLE: Sharc! SHARC: And there he is now. KRIS: Whoa! Who are all these girls? SHARC: Losers of a little contest I'm having. KRIS: Wow. They're the losers? SHARC: Yeah. I need your help to pick a winner. KRIS: (He gets down on his knees and bows up and down to Sharc.) I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy. (He gets back on his feet.) SHARC: So here's the deal Kris. The bosses wanted Sharc to become a face. To become over withthe fans. And there is nobody else in this company as horny as you are for young pieces of meat. So, I got a great little surprise for you inside for you agreeing to be a judge. I need you to pick out for me the best of them just first based on looks, then on other things. Okay? KRIS: Oh of course. Sharc and Kris go into the room. Amber, Shirley, Victoria and Jenny are standing in a line in the middle of the room. SHARC: Ladies, this is Kris Cole, you may know him as the best announcer in the company. KRIS: Whoa! (he says looking at Amanda). Who is that? SHARC: She's all yours if you help me pick a winner. Otherwise, you don't even get near her. KRIS: She looks like, oh God, let's get this over with. (He looks at the four girls. He walks up and down the line, stopping at each one to look them up and down. He then does the same from the backside.) Okay, I like her the best (he says pointing at Jenny). SHARC: I should have known. KRIS: What? SHARC: Do you have teen-dar or something? KRIS: What? SHARC: You have a radar for teen-age girls? KRIS: I guess so! She's the only teen? SHARC: Yeah. Well, except for Amanda over there. KRIS: She is my winner. But if you don't want her, I could always use an intern. SHARC: Oh yeah, one other thing Kris. I have a match Tuesday. I want to address that punk I'm facing. KRIS: But I still get Amanda, right? SHARC: Yeah. All right, ladies. I have come to a decision. Amber, I'm really glad you like to flash your breasts. KRIS: Oh, I like her too then! SHARC: But, Shirley and Victoria are very willing and able to do that in addition to giving me lesbian shows. So, sorry, but you're gone. KRIS: Lesbians! AMBER: I'm sorry then Sharc. (She slaps him hard.) Bastard. Sharc goes to grab her, but Shirley and Victoria stop him. They then kiss full out on the lips. Sharc stares at them. Jenny then begins caressing the backs of both of their heads, and they all exchange kisses. KRIS: My God! Can I hang out with you more often!? SHARC: Why don't we leave these girls alone for a few minutes, while we go discuss my match. KRIS: What! Lesbians. Kissing. Each other! And we're leaving!? SHARC: (He shoves Kris and points at the door.) Or no Amanda. Static We open in a secluded area of the hotel lobby. Both men take a seat in leather chairs at a small table. KRIS: Right, so, who are you facing? SHARC: Jake Matthews. KRIS: Right, what are your thoughts on the match. SHARC: Jake, over the last week, the man known as Sharc to all has been through a lot of changes. In a sense, I have been reborn. But I didn't shed my skin only to come back and lose again. Oh no. I came back, I changed my attitude, because I am in this sport to be the best, and beat the best. And with this match, I'm starting at the bottom again. I'm staring up at everyone else, knowing I'm better than them. And you are my obstacle. I am a hammer and you will be glass. I will destroy you, and you will be shattered. You are a man who doesn't even know who he is. You are a character. You need an acting coach to give you motivation to be a psycho. When it comes to me naturally. But I can shut it off. I control myself. Except in the ring. I am the real deal. And I am deadly serious. I'm not out here to make threats anymore, I'm in TWW to make statements. I will go to any and all lengths to win that match with you. Because I am going up to the top of this company by any means necessary. And when I say that, I mean I am willing to put out anyone in my path. I am going to earn my spot here, but not only that, I am also going to make an example out of everyone I face. Starting with you. You see, I like pain. Pain fuels me. And nothing hurts more than a loss, which is what happened the last time I was in a ring. So when you face me Tuesday, you are going to be facing more than just Sharc. You are going to be facing a man driven to win. A man who will destroy his own body as long as I destroy yours in the process. And in the end, after I've broken you down body part by body part with my arsenal of moves, you will feel Blood in the Water. And you will not get up. Just like everyone else who has felt that move has never been heard from again, the same will be true of you. I will end your pathetic run here in TWW. And it is my time now. No more whining. No more bitching. Just simple facts. I am here to win and I am here to destroy my opponents. I am here to put them in hospitals. I am here to kill your dreams of being a somebody instead of a nothing, which is all you are right now Jake. KRIS: Jake is coming off two losses. He'll be a desperate man, won't he? SHARC: It doesn't matter how desperate he is. I am a more desperate. If he is hungry for success, I'm starving for it. If he's a wrestling talent, then I am a wrestling God. If he likes pain, well, he's in for a very enjoyable night. Because Tuesday is the night Sharc rises from the water to destroy another unsuspecting victim. To terrorize the entire roster. To make them wonder, am I next? Will I be the next man to feel the jaws of death? Will I be able to walk out after my match? The answer is no. Especially for you Jake Matthews. I am going to be unrelenting. Even as you scream out in pain, I will not stop. Even if you cry and bleed, I will not stop. This Sharc is an emotionless creature. It is survival of the fittest in this ocean we call TWW. And you are barely treading water as it is. I think it's time to pull you under and finish the job. Leave you a bloody mess. A carcass. A nothing. So bring all your best moves. Bring your neutralizer. I'll kick out of it. I'll kick out of every cover you make. I will frustrate you. And you will have no answer for me once I lock you in the spinebreaker. And you will have no energy left by the time you feel Blood in the Water. See this (he says holding up his fist). This is my fist. Get used to seeing it. It'll be the last thing you see before I hit you so hard I black out both your eyes and they swell shut. These hands are the most vicious weapon in my arsenal. And if by some fluke, you get the upper hand, I've got three new trump cards that will "neutralize" the referee long enough for me to recover. You see, when you face me, you are going to have to deal with three women who are willing to do anything to make sure their man gets his hand raised in victory. So not only do you have to deal with me, the best wrestler in TWW, you also have to deal with three sluts who will distract the referee, giving me the chance to finish you off. I doubt I will need to resort to such tactics against you, since you are not really anything but a warm up match. Punishment for me taking a vacation to change my character. I am going up to the top of this mountain, and kicking you off along the way. See, I don't care about being a nice guy, saying I respect you, because I don't. Because if you have the chance, you'll knock me off too. But I ain't gonna let that happen. KRIS: Can I go see Amanda now? SHARC: I'm almost done. KRIS: I hope so. You're really jacked up for this match, I can tell, but I think Jake is probably falling asleep listening to you go on and on. Sharc stares at him. KRIS: I'm sorry. SHARC: You know Kris, I am about to hook you up with a 19-year-old girl who looks like your favorite whore in the world, and what do you say to me. That I am being boring. KRIS: I just mean I bet Jake is bored by it. SHARC: Why because you are? KRIS: No! No, of course not. I just want to go get Amanda. SHARC: You dirty old bastard. Fine, let's wrap this up then. Jake Matthews, you have nothing but trouble coming for you. Not only do you have to deal with me, a man who wants nothing more than to get to the top of the TWW mountain, you will have to deal with my group, who will help me in my quest because they want the money that comes with it. Hanging out as a curtain jerker and mid-carder is worthless toiling. All the money is at the top of the game. That's what I'm looking toward. You are a stone I will not only step on, but crush with my bare hands. And then I'll watch you fall off the mountain and be left a bloody mess at the bottom. You will lose and I will win. I will leave you in a pool of blood, I will leave your body numb from the abuse I will give, and you will not leave the ring on your own two feet. KRIS: You should get a name for your group. SHARC: What? I'm doing a promo! Why are you interrupting! Shut the f*ck up. KRIS: Sharc, Jake is a nobody! SHARC: No, he is my opponent. A man I have to destroy to survive. He is not a nobody. He is a target. You see, Jake Matthews right now is like an innocent trailer park. And there is a tornado coming down the road. And that tornado is named Sharc. Because Matthews, you can't fight God. You can't fight nature. You can't fight fate. And you can't fight Sharc. |
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