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| Darkness. Some ominous music plays quietly in the background. There is a loud crash and the scene opens up. We are inside a house. We open with a shot of Jenny. She is wearing a gray sweater and light blue jeans. She is sitting on the light blue couch, watching a videotape of the latest TWW Pay-Per-View, Mind Games. The spacious room is mostly hidden by shadows as the only light comes from the television screen. On the screen is the main event, featuring Epitome of Evil getting maced by Suicide and beaten unconscious with brass knuckles. She rewinds the tape and plays it over again. She stops the tape and on the screen comes the Fox Channel. It's some sort of wrestling highlight show, featuring a wrap up of the big show, a show which many are calling one of the greatest wrestling pay-per-views ever. We are shown still shots of when Syth knocked Dysan off the roof of the 20 foot cage through a ringside table. The sound is turned way down so we can't hear the announcers blabber on. Suddenly, the phone rings loudly. The camera backs up to reveal a cordless phone on a table behind the couch. Jenny turns around and answers the phone. JENNY: Hello? VOICE: Hi. JENNY: Who's this? VOICE: Who is this? JENNY: Well, who were you calling? VOICE: I don't know. Who have I called? JENNY: I think you have the wrong number creep. VOICE: I do? JENNY: Yeah, bye. Jenny puts the phone back down on the table and turns around. She stops the tape and starts playing it again. The house of corrections match. She turns up the volume louder. The phone rings again. Jenny reaches back and answers. JENNY: Hello? VOICE: I'm sorry, I think I dialed the wrong number. JENNY: So why'd you call it again? VOICE: To apologize. JENNY: It's no problem. Later. VOICE: Wait, what's that noise I hear in the background? JENNY: (She holds the phone closer to the television and then puts the phone back to her ear.) That noise? VOICE: Yeah. That sounds really good. JENNY: Look, I'm trying to watch this show, I missed most of it because I was. I have to go. VOICE: Wait. Why don't you want to talk to me? JENNY: Why would I want to talk to you? They have 900 numbers for that, I can recommend plenty to you. But leave me alone, huh? (She hangs up. The phone rings again before she can put it down.) Hello? VOICE: Do you like wrestling? JENNY: Yes I like wrestling. VOICE: What is your favorite wrestling company? JENNY: Uh, Tidal Wave Wrestling. VOICE: Tidal Wave Wrestling? JENNY: Yeah, you know the one. It's got Sharc, Shawn Chase, Suicide, Epitome of Evil, Graduate, Corx, Grand Theft Auto, High Class, Syth, Andy Extreme, and lots of other great wrestlers. VOICE: Yeah, they're good. JENNY: What's your favorite company. VOICE: Guess. JENNY: Um, WCW. VOICE: Excuse me? I may be a serial killer, but I'm not insane enough to like THAT company. JENNY: What did you just say? VOICE: I said, I'm not insane enough to like THAT company. JENNY: No, before that? VOICE: What do you think I said? Jenny is silent. VOICE: What? She stands up and walks over the front door. She flips on the front light and chains the door. VOICE: Hello? She quickly runs toward the kitchen and checks the patio doors. They are secure. VOICE: Have you fallen and can't get up? JENNY: Look, I have to go. VOICE: Don't hang up the phone. We're doing so good here. JENNY: Bye. (She holds the phone at her side and then puts the end against her chin. The phone rings again.) Yes? VOICE: I asked you not to hang up the phone. JENNY: So what? Who the hell is this? VOICE: Who the hell is this? Who the hell is this? If I told you then I'd ruin the plot of the promo. And we can't have that, can we? JENNY: What promo? This is real life? VOICE: Oh come now Jenny. Everything is a promo. Life is just one long, big, promo that just keeps going on and on and on. Forever and ever. JENNY: You're lying. VOICE: Am I? JENNY: Leave me alone. VOICE: You hang up again I'll call you back again. And you know you'll pick up! Jenny hangs up. The phone rings again. She shrieks but answers. VOICE: I told you you'd answer! JENNY: Ahhhhh. VOICE: Oh, what's the matter Jenny, is this too scary for you? JENNY: How do you know my name? (She is back on the couch and kneels on it. She sniffles.) VOICE: I went to Blockbuster Video. You'd be amazed what you can find at Blockbuster these days. Porno movies. Wrestling shows. Home phone numbers of wrestling valets who make porno movies. Blockbuster is taking over the world. They know everything about everybody. JENNY: Oh God! VOICE: I know, it's scary (with a wavering spooky voice). JENNY: What do you want from me? VOICE: I want to give you a pop quiz. JENNY: What? VOICE: You heard me. JENNY: I'm going to hang up and call 911. VOICE: Go ahead. The police would never make it here in time. We're in the middle of a big city. It's rush hour. The cop cars will be locked in traffic for hours because people are such assholes they won't move out of the way. Meanwhile, you'll be here all alone. I'll videotape me performing an autopsy on you and sell it to Fox. They buy anything. JENNY: Stop. (She hangs up.) The door bell rings twice. Jenny screams.) Who's there? (Silence. The phone rings again.) VOICE: Oh come on, you never should ask who's there. Don't you know, the postman always rings twice. JENNY: Oh God. Why are you doing this. VOICE: Because I'm bored. You? JENNY: Me? I'm too confused, and scared, to know what I'm doing. VOICE: Oh, such a bad excuse. JENNY: Where are you? VOICE: The questions shouldn't be where am I. The question should be, where am I? JENNY: Uh, I did just ask you that? VOICE: Oh. Sorry. Guess. JENNY: I don't want to play a game. VOICE: Why, you're so good at games. I saw what you did at the pay-per-view. The old bait and switch. Distract the referee and Andy Extreme so your boy Sharc could get the win. That was good. JENNY: Oh God, you're not some crazy Andy Extreme fan are you? VOICE: No. Even I'm not crazy enough to be Andy Extreme's fan. You were so good out there. JENNY: I was just doing my job. VOICE: And getting a little revenge too, weren't you? JENNY: Yeah. He hit the high life on me. You expect me to just take that lying down? VOICE: Well, since you take just about everything else lying down, yeah I did. JENNY: You bastard. VOICE: Hey, I'm not the porn actress. JENNY: You want to play a game? Why can't you just play with yourself? VOICE: Oh, I've already done that to one of your movies. Sorry. No sale. No, the game I want to play is wrestling trivia. It's very simple. Hell, you work in wrestling, it should be easy for you. JENNY: Please, no. VOICE: Oh, don't disappoint me. Oh damn, my cell phone battery is going dead. The line goes dead. Jenny stares at the phone, unmoving. She drops the phone on the table and looks around the room. She collapses to the couch. She curls up into a ball as the TWW show continues to play through the cage match to the part where Jake West returned. She looks up at the screen and shrieks. She shuts off the television. The phone rings. JENNY: Hello? VOICE: Sorry about that. JENNY: Oh no. VOICE: So, where were we. Oh yeah. Wrestling trivia. Come on, it'll be fun. I'll even give you a warm up question. Another phone rings. JENNY: Can you hold on a second, my other line is ringing. VOICE: Sure. Jenny gets up and heads over to the kitchen phone and picks up the receiver. JENNY: Hello? Yes this is Jenny. Oh my God, you're kidding me. Oh my God. (She starts jumping up and down excitedly.) When does it start shooting? Really, that soon (she says sounding a bit disappointed.) Man, I don't know if I can get the time of my other job. Oh yeah, definitely I want the job. I have to let you know right now? Well, how long will it be? Five days? That's it? Well, I guess, yes, I'll do it. Great. Why do you want to know what I'm wearing? Oh come on. Stop. Oh you are so sweet. What are you wearing. 30 minutes later. Jenny walks back toward the TV. VOICE: HEY! HEY! She stares at the phone. VOICE: I'm running out of quarters here! And we're not through yet! JENNY: Oh yeah. (She picks up the phone.) Hey, sorry about that, but I just got a part in a new movie. Isn't that great? VOICE: Yeah, just dandy. I didn't know they hired dead actresses anymore. Look, it's cold out. I'm almost out of quarters. Can we get this pop quiz over with already. It's really easy. JENNY: Okay. Shoot. VOICE: At Mind Games, in the main event, one man was completely punked out by a guy half his size. A guy was shown to be nothing but talk. A man had a shot at the title and he fell for a trick. A man who claims to be a really bad man, but who is really only bad when he wrestles. Which TWW so-called superstar am I talking about? JENNY: Epitome of Evil. Where are you by the way. VOICE: Your front porch. JENNY: You are? I have a pay phone on my front porch? VOICE: I lied. JENNY: You lied? Well, I call your bluff. (She stands up and walks over the front door. She flips on the light, unchains the lock and heads outside. She looks left and right.) Where are you? VOICE: Right here. JENNY: Do you see me right now? VOICE: You betcha. JENNY: Really? (She sticks her hand down her pants.) Then what am I doing right now? Huh? Huh? What am I doing? VOICE: I don't know, playing with your clit? Her smile turns serious. She quickly backs up and slams the door shut. VOICE: Now do you believe I'm serious? Now. Second question. At Mind Games, a new Nations champion was crowned. A man who hides in the shadows, afraid to step into the light. A disturbed man. A man who Sharc beat the hell out of in the one time they met. A man who now holds the title. Who is this pathetic, bitching creature? JENNY: Syth, Syth Syth! He bitches more than anybody! VOICE: Very good. You know this business very well. I hope you're having fun. JENNY: No I'm not. I want you to leave me alone! VOICE: One more question to answer and I'll stop talking to you for the night. Final question. At Shockwave there is a triple threat match between Epitome of Evil, Syth and Sharc. Three men will walk in, but only one man will be named the winner. Now, in a well thought out statement, who will win the match, and why? JENNY: Sharc will win. VOICE: Why? JENNY: Well, first, let's look at Epitome of Evil. Here is a guy who was knocked unconscious by a midget called Suicide. Sharc has a hell of a lot more muscle than that little twerp Suicide. And he's a lot more vicious. Sharc doesn't need to put Evil in his name to prove his is evil, because Sharc can be as evil as he wants on his own. EOE is a man who is a fake in every sense of the word. He claims to be some big bad ass, but his size doesn't mean a damn thing. He's been beaten by shrimps like Suicide, Chase and Corx, and Sharc is just as talented as those three so-called TWW Title contenders. EOE never was in the running for the title. He's just a pretender. He shows his true colors when the big prize is on the line. He fails. There may not be a title on the line in this one, but there will be a champion in the ring. And EOE has yet to pin any champion head up in this federation. And then there is Syth. Syth proved to the world at Mind Games that he is one insane guy. But the reality is, Syth did not win that match. He did not beat Chris Matthews, Dysan sent Matthews to hell, and Syth picked up the pieces. Sure, Syth tossed Dysan off a cage. Big deal. This isn't a cage match. This isn't a house of corrections match. Whatever Syth says about it doesn't matter. Sharc has met him one and one and beaten him. Conquered him. He will do it again. And if OREO want's to get involved, well, Sharc will beat the hell INTO him. And if Eve is feeling any better, well, I'll make sure to send her out on a stretcher again. VOICE: Hmm. Couldn't have said it better myself. I guess there is only one thing left to do. The doorbell rings. JENNY: Yes? VOICE: Candygram. (The same as on the phone as at the door. The opening riff of Jaws plays. Jenny looks around at the playing of the music, as if she heard it.) JENNY: What's a candygram? VOICE: (The door bell rings again. Jaws plays again, and Jenny looks around again.) Jews For Jesus. JENNY: AHH, go away! The doorbell rings again. Another note of Jaws plays and Jenny looks around in frustration trying to figure out where that music is coming from. JENNY: Who is it? VOICE: Er, male stripper! JENNY: Not interested! The doorbell rings again. Jaws plays faster. JENNY: Who is it? VOICE: (There is a pause. And it plays faster.) Serial killer. JENNY: Okay, hold on one second, I'm on the phone. Hey, I've got to go. VOICE: Buh-bye. Jenny approaches the door. Jaws is playing faster and faster and faster and she walks to the door. She opens the door. She screams! A gigantic white and gray shark with human legs bites her head! Oh my God, Jenny is trapped in the jaws of a shark with human legs! He's ripping and tearing at her! Oh the horror! The music is deafening and Jenny kicks the shark in the balls. Shark's have balls? This one does, and he crumples over in pain. Blood is covering her sweater, her hair, her face, her jeans, she is dripping blood from everywhere. She is crawling on the floor. And the shark is on the floor, swimming towards her with its, er, arm fins? He's gaining on her. Oh no! The horror. The shark just bit her legs! And blood goes flying everywhere like it's paint tossed out a paint bucket or shot out of a water pistol, or both. Amazingly, her legs are still attached, but blood is everywhere! And the shark is swallowing her whole. My God, the shark just ate Jenny! The disgusting shark/human creature just ate Jenny whole. There is a loud fart. Oh no! Now Jenny is coming out the rear! Now she's covered in brown! Oh this is horrifying! Red and brown everywhere! Jenny is dead excrement! Oh the humanity! Darkness. From far away come the words A Noise You Make When You're Really Scared get larger and larger until it flies past the camera. The credits begin to roll. After Directed by Flesh Craven, the credits are shrunk down and Fox proudly announces that this is a Promo Extra. We see Sharc in a director's chair with his legs crossed. SHARC: Yeah, this was a really strong part. I figured, hey, I've used a phone before, and my wrestler is named Sharc, why not? Me and Jenny put on a hell of a promo right there. Tuesday, at Shockwave, like always, Sharc is coming down to the ring with one thing on his mind, and that is winning. EOE, you have already proven that size doesn't matter. In the last week, you've lost to Suicide and Chris Matthews. Size didn't help you against them, did it? No. And my old friend Syth, we meet once again. And I will show TWW that I am a man who should have gold around MY waist. Either yours, Chase's or anybody else who has the balls to accept my challenge. You know, honestly, I'm already sick of this AMW, NWO feud. It's the same morons clogging up the main event scene. Maybe it's time to show everyone that I belong in the main event scene. So EOE and Syth, two of the biggest names in this company right now, prepare to be run over. EOE, you're slow and you already seem to be over the hill. I'm young. I went to hell at Mind Games, and I feel great! Nothing like getting your skull busted open with chair after chair. I live for that. You can't even stomach a little mace and brass knuckle action? You may be big, but you got a soft head, and you can bet your ass I'm gonna attack it. And Syth, this is a wrestling match. It's not about big spots. You are going to have to outwrestle me. I know you can outwrestle EOE, because, EOE doesn't really wrestle anymore. He just throws people around and hopes they don't get up. Syth, you may be good at throwing your body all over the place and collecting on other people's damage, but it won't matter Tuesday. Because I will take out you, I will take out EOE, I will stack your unconscious bodies up and pin both of your useless asses in the middle and I will continue climbing up the mountain of TWW until I reach the top. Tuesday, EOE you learn that good overcomes evil. And Syth, you will learn it too. You play off on people's fears in your own ways. But fears are silly. Do I have fears? Sure I do. But I don't fear boogie men. I don't fear guys who call themselves the Epitome of Evil and who wear shirts with 666 on it. I wear 666 shirts too (he turns around to show he is in his Black Sabbath 666 shirt). 666 is a joke. I guess I'm just as evil as you are right now big guy. And Syth, a man who dwells in the dark. A man who fears the light. Hell, maybe you should go wrestle in WCW since they have to turn all the lights out in their arenas. Maybe you'd be really successful there. But here, you have to wrestle in the spotlight in front of everyone. All your flaws come out. All the scariness is gone. No more booga booga yadda yadda yadda. Just three men in one ring. The most focused man will win. You can't win with a gimmick. You win with talent. Talent which I have. Not you Syth, and not you EOE. The two of you are nothing to me. You've got some talent, but not enough to beat me. So, bring your best. Work out real hard. Scare me with your promos, I'm shaking in my boots with what I fear you might do. But what you say won't matter Tuesday. Because the reality is, Tuesday, EOE and Syth, you will learn what Andy Extreme has learned. Syth you will relearn it. And EOE, you will learn it for the first time. On Shockwave, you will know my name is the lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. Because you can't fight nature. You can't fight fate. You can't fight God. And you can't fight Sharc. End credits. Fade to black. |
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