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| We open in a classroom. The clock on the wall says it is 1 p.m. The walls are all a dull blue, and floors brown tile. The classroom has five rows, five deep, of uncomfortable brown metal chairs with those wood arm desk things. Our class is sitting in the first two rows. It is, from the clock side wall, in row one, Georgia on the far side, then Chelsea, then Sharc, then Jenny and then Tooth-Pac. Masked Jobber 2 sits behind Sharc and Victoria sits behind Jenny. The ladies are dressed up like Catholic school girls in plaid skirts and white blouses with high heels. Sharc is wearing all black, Tooth-Pac is in an nWo 4-life shirt (the real deal, not that Graduate group rip-off group) and Masked Jobber 2 is in his usual wrestling gear and lucha libre mask. The door under the clock opens and in walks Shirley in a long tight black dress with slits waaaay up the side, almost to her hip. As she walks, her legs are revealed. Oh what a sight. She is wearing black high heel shoes. Sharc is bent over his desk watching her walk toward the front metal desk. She drops a sack full of books on the desk and looks at the class. SHIRLEY: Good afternoon class. I trust you all had a good lunch. SHARC: Damn do you look good. SHIRLEY: Thank you. But, it's time to get to work. I hope you're all ready for some hard work. MJ2, didn't I tell you not to wear that mask in my class? MJ2: Is my heritage! True is, true is! I is an Mexican and us cannot be unmasked for fear of fearing you. Just look at Carlos De Angelo. True is, true is. SHIRLEY: Fine. MJ2: Ci senorita. Menage a trois. TOOTH-PAC: Isn't that French? SHIRLEY: We're not here to learn other languages today. First, let's start off with some definitions. Let's start with, oh, suicide. Can anybody describe to me what suicide means? JENNY: (She raises her hand.) I can. Suicide is killing yourself. SHIRLEY: Very good. The act of killing yourself. Now, what is a good way to kill yourself? SHARC: Get in the ring with me. SHIRLEY: Very good Sharc. Now, let's take another name. When you hear the word graduate, what do you think of? MJ2: Ci! TOOTH-PAC: Very simple. A man who thinks brain means anything. SHIRLEY: What? You make no sense at all when you talk. TOOTH-PAC: Frickin a! Suck. (He pauses.) Oh wait. I could get thrown out if I say that. Uh. SHIRLEY: And who says frickin'? Do you know how dumb you sound when you say frickin'? TOOTH-PAC: Yeah. (He sticks his tongue out and makes a strange noise while flashing the Wolfpac sign.) What I meant, wuz, a graduate is like a guy who thinks that because he went to school and is really smart, thinks it means anything. SHIRLEY: Thanks for trying. Georgia, do you know? Georgia just stares down at her desk. SHIRLEY: Georgia? No response. SHIRLEY: You are going to have to come out of that shell of yours sometime little lady. Chelsea, can you explain what a graduate is to you? CHELSEA: Somebody who graduated from high school. SHIRLEY: Right. Very good. CHELSEA: And as we all know, Jay Gavin never even went to college, did he? SHIRLEY: Bonus points for you. You've done your homework. SHARC: Why don't we discuss failure. Failure is what happens when you get in the ring with Sharc. Failure for Graduate. SHIRLEY: Very good Sharc. Because everyone knows you have the master's degree in kicking ass. SHARC: Damn right. SHIRLEY: Okay, pop quiz. (She walks around behind her desk. She reaches into her bag and pulls out a small paper bag. She moves her bag away to clear the desk. She dumps out the contents.) What are these? Victoria? VICTORIA: Screws. SHIRLEY: Right. SHARC: Ah screws. They also symbolize excuses for Suicide. Because it looks like you've got, what, a hundred there? That's about how many times Suicide has screamed about getting screwed. SHIRLEY: Can't get anything by you, can I? Every time Suicide said he was screwed since being here, I have added one screw to this bag. Look how big this pile is. SHARC: It's a pile of crap is what it is. Losers make excuses and cry about getting screwed. Winners work harder to improve themselves. SHIRLEY: You are on fire today. Okay. (She turns and walks up to the chalkboard. She picks up a piece of chalk.) Now we move on to math. (On the board she puts up the following equation: GraduateX + SuicideX = Sharc.) Now, this is a tough one. Anyone? Anyone? (The class is silent.) Damn, I can't fool you guys! Well, in this case, X equals 0. You see, this isn't the full equation. What have I forgotten. SHARC: X equals loser. You have forgotten to put a W next to my name, for winner. SHIRLEY: Dead on again. Straight A's for you. When you add two losers together, it automatically means Sharc is the winner. Good work. SHARC: Can I be teacher's pet? MJ2: No, pet me! Pet me! TOOTH-PAC: I need some lovin' damnit! SHARC: Shut up guys. MJ2: Man, you were much more fun when you were a face. SHARC: Well, you two are leaving me. It doesn't matter much more does it? TOOTH-PAC: Still buds? SHARC: Of course. Just shut the hell up. We're having a class here. SHIRLEY: Okay, time for a spelling bee. We'll start with you Masked Jobber 2. Spell, loser. MJ2: S-U-I-C-I-D-E. SHIRLEY: Very good. Okay, Victoria. Spell overrated. VICTORIA: Okay. G-R-A-D-U-A-T-E. SHIRLEY: Nice work. Georgia. Your turn. Spell, victim. Georgia is silent. Shirley walks over to her and kneels down. SHIRLEY: Georgia, you have to snap out of this funk you're in. You work for us now. Sharc stands up and walks over to Shirley. He grabs Shirley's arm and pulls her back. Sharc bends down and turns Georgia's face up to meet his. He stares at her for a few seconds and their eyes lock. SHARC: Perhaps you didn't hear the teacher. She wants you to spell victim. And I'll give you a hint, it's not spelled G-E-O-R-G-I-A, yet. Quit testing me. You're the one who wanted this job. Earn your damn money. GEORGIA: I HATE YOU. SHARC: You hate me? You, hate me? (Sharc grabs her by the throat and drags her to her feet.) SHIRLEY: Sharc, don't. (She pulls on his arm which has a firm grip on Georgia's throat.) Hurting her won't help you at all. SHARC: Why not? It's just a promo. The camera is on. We're just acting, aren'twe Georgia? Nod your (beep) head or. (Georgia nods her head.) See, we're just playing. He shoves Georgia backward into her chair. She stares up at him for a second, her lower lip quivering. GEORGIA: (She clears her throat.) G-R-A-D-U-A-T-E. SHIRLEY: Thank you honey. Shirley stands behind her for a second and puts a hand on her shoulder. Sharc walks back to his seat. Chelsea eyes him for a minute. Shirley walks back to the front of the class. The class is dead silent. Until there is a soft whimpering coming from Georgia's direction. SHIRLEY: Okay. Moving on. Hell, where was I? Oh, Chelsea. How do you spell example. CHELSEA: S-U-I-C-I-D-E. SHIRLEY: Right. Very good. And Tooth-Pac. Spell dead men walking. MJ2: S-U-I-C-I-D-E-A-N-D-G-R-A-D-U-A-T-E. SHIRLEY: Fantastic. And Sharc. Last but not least. Very simple. Spell out the name of the man who will win the triple threat match between you, Suicide and Graduate. SHARC: S-H-A-R-C. A loud bell rings. SHIRLEY: Class dismissed. |
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